


As Long As I Can

by kindredghosts



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Related, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Sad, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:34:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27151178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kindredghosts/pseuds/kindredghosts
Summary: Tensions are high after a failed trip outside the walls into Titan territory where Hange finds Levi alone in her work study and anticipates a fight. But actions speak louder than words and Hange doesn't want to fight.
Relationships: Levi/Hange Zoë
Comments: 2
Kudos: 61





	As Long As I Can

**Author's Note:**

> This vaguely takes place during a time when expeditions are still being sent out. I would say anytime before the Uprising Arc.

Sunset fragmented through the cracked and dusty windows into the room, crimson arrows slicing sharp lines between shadows. Here in this musty room with books littering the table and crusty coffee mugs knocked over on the table Levi paced. His gear was thrown to the ground, a titan's blood still evaporating in wispy tendrils from his blades and from a streak on his face. Hange watched as he absentmindedly wiped it away with a kerchief. In a moment of frustration he crushed it within his palm but soon smoothed the fabric and folded it up and placed it on the table causing him to finally turn towards the doorway where she lingered.

Their eyes met. She closed the distance. Closed the distance until their mouths crashed together and she pushed everything she felt into it. Apologies. Regret. Loss.

He craned his head back and looked at her and in reflex she took a step back, her arm flying to cover her face, her eyes, to cover  _ him _ . Clicking his tongue he moved her arm away from her face and his eyes pierced her. Then they seemed to soften at the edges and she vaguely wondered if it was the smudge on her glasses causing her to see that softness. She didn’t deserve softness.

“There was,” she faltered, “there  _ is _ a lot I want to say, but I thought that was the quickest and most direct route for what I wanted to say.”

His eyes narrowed. “I’m not sure I got the message.”

“Well,” she looked down. “I wanted to-”

He interrupted her, “you might want to run that by me again.” 

And then they were kissing again. Fingers entwined in hair and in the folds of each other’s shirts - grasping and holding tight, not wanting to let go.

“Did that help?” She asked against his mouth.

“Not sure,” he breathed. He buried his face in her neck and nuzzled his nose under her collar to kiss the bare skin of her collarbone which sent ice down her spine and then fire. With her hands running through his hair she drew him closer and his lips worked at her neck and she melted a little. As his lips became more greedy she might have tugged at his hair while her fingers worked through it. He kissed a trail up to her mouth and softly bit and tugged at her lower lip until she opened her mouth and he pushed his tongue inside. Suddenly her hands didn’t know what to do and fell limp at her side, but he grasped her wrists and held them.

She laughed despite herself, despite the day, despite the pain and between kisses asked, “do you understand what I was trying to tell you?”

“Still unclear.” He said and leaned in to kiss her again. She turned her head so it landed on her cheek. She kissed his neck and moved to trace his jawline then up to his cheek and over his eye which caused him to squint and down to his nose.

Then she kissed the crown of his head. “I’m sorry,” she whispered into his hair.

“You disobeyed a direct command, I told you not to engage.”

They were both unmoving now.

“The titan had a kid in its mouth," Hange said. "He was still conscious and crying for help.”

“He was halfway dead.” He cursed. “There was nothing you could do. He was a soldier and he knew the consequences.”

“He was a  _ kid _ ! I couldn’t let him die like that.”

“And you’re _Hange_ , one of the few that can maybe help stop this nightmare. I couldn’t let _you_ die like that. You have a responsibility to everyone, not just one soldier.”

She said nothing. The scene played back in her mind but in disjointed, out-of-order pieces. Going after the titan. The kid calling for help. Her separating from the rest of the soldiers, from Levi, and the look he gave her as he pressed forward with a squad at his heels. The kid dropping from the titans mouth. Him lifting a hand towards her. Hange knocked from her horse. A broken blade. A scream from her throat. The titan falling limp. Levi telling her to stay in formation. The life draining from the kid’s eyes. Hange walking, exposed but whistling for her horse to return.

“I’m sorry.” Hange said again, her body feeling weak.

Cupping her chin he guided her eyes so that she looked at him, and it felt like the first time she was really looking at him. Dirt creased into his skin where beads of sweat were mixing into it. His breathing was unsteady, his eyes glistening.

“I’m telling you that humanity can’t survive without you." He turned towards the window. "I don’t think I could either.” The sun nearly finished sinking below the horizon, abandoning the world to the encroaching night.  “I know you have your own conscience to consider, and _I’m_ one to talk. I’ve lost a lot of soldiers.  _ Children _ .” He added quietly. “But I don’t always know which choice will leave me with the least regrets.”

“I think it’s impossible for absolutely no regrets,” she stepped beside him at the window and held his hand. “Maybe just choices with the least amount of regrets. I’ll stay at your side as long as I can.”

His eyes hardened and she squeezed his hand.

“There’s no way we’re both making it out of this alive.” He spoke it as if speaking of the sunset.

She shook her head. “But maybe the next generation of kids will."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> So I haven't been keeping up with the manga since around chapter 107. I will finish eventually so please no spoilers in the comments!
> 
> Thanks for reading ^-^


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